Keep Myself Awake
by Fujin Masago
Summary: PG-13 for slightly suggestive themes. This is a song fic, based around the song Keep Myself Awake from the Buffy soundtrack. It's a Harper story. Please r&r!


DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to their respective owners, e.g., not me.

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Keep Myself Awake

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I can't work under these conditions!" I exclaimed for the benefit of anyone who might be listening like _her_

Actually, I could work under almost _any_ conditions. Which meant that I _would_ work under almost any conditions. Lucky me, eh? Well, that's what I get for being a freaking genius.

Plus, the conditions weren't really that bad. Clouds of steam, the occasional burst of sparks I've seen a whole lot worse.

No, the conditions were not awful. It was a different condition that had been making repairs so hard lately. Not in the engines or anything like that. And it wasn't a problem that could be easily fixed, like a broken Slipstream drive or something. No, this was a problem with _her_

Every single time I closed my eyes, _she_ was there. Hell, she was there anyways—_everywhere_. I knew she could be watching me at all times—the fact that _she_ definitely had much better things to do with her spare time just made it seem all the more likely.

_She_ was everywhere—all around and through me. She filled my head, making it impossible for me to concentrate on anything but her. That made the repairs I was doing take considerably longer. I was even working _all _freakin' _night_ just trying to get one lousy console up and running again. Any time I got into it, really making some actual progress, I'd work a little harder, and then _she_ would edge her way into my thoughts. It's not like it wouldn't happen to anyone—after seeing her and making a comparison, you, or, at least, _I_, couldn't help but think of those shapely legs when a control panel came into view, or the _perfect_ features of her—let's just say her face-- when a circuit board was spotted. And when I was crawling around in those tunnels to get to the engines—well, the innuendoes were too easy, let me tell you.

And I _liked_ it.

What engineer wouldn't? A beautiful woman who was also a beautiful starship—it was a dream come true.

Maybe that was the problem.

Lately, I'd been having dreams. _She_ was in them—screw that, she had a starring role. She _was_ the dreams. And there was this way that she would look at me—not as an AI to her engineer, but as if she were a human and I were a human and we were just meant for each other. And it would just be that—we were soulmates or whatever, and we were together. Not in _that_ way, although probably if I slept long enough _that_ would happen, and I guess I was looking forward to it. How could I not be? But what _did _happen, even that was just enough to—There's no way to put this. It was like all my life was the dream, and the only time I was really awake was when I was with her in my dreams. Closer to reality than reality itself, you know? And it was all I could do just to keep myself awake, much less make myself useful.

Then as my thoughts centered on _her_ again I realized my eyes were closing and I was falling asleep on the job and I _didn't care_

There were more to the dreams than just her.

_It was cold out. Not icy, just chilly. And it was daytime, the sun was up. Yeah, I remembered that. I don't know where I was some planet. Possibly Earth, but then my memories of Earth are anything but good so I somehow doubted that I was there_

It was foggy, too. How could I have forgotten the fog? And then the fog parted and she_ was there and I forgot all about the fog. She smiled at me, not just being pleasant or polite, but she really meant it, she was really just as incomplete as I was when we were apart and now we were together_

She walked up to me, rubbing her arms and shivering a little in the cold.

"I'm alright," she said, as I put my arm around her to keep her warm—androids have no body heat, but then again they shouldn't feel the cold in the first place—she looked over at me, and smiled again, not just with her mouth but with her whole face, she was so happy, how could she not be, we were together, and she rested her head on my shoulder. That's all I remember actually happening, I think we just stood there, together, for a long, long time.

I'll be okay.

I don't remember if she said that or if I did or if I thought it or what, but it was there, a sentence that appeared in my mind.

If I can keep myself awake 

I reluctantly opened my eyes, to see if I really was awake.

I was in the med lab, on the bed. Like I hadn't been in there often enough already.

And that was far more awake time than I wanted. My eyes closed again

"have there been any changes?" I knew that voice. It was... Trance. Sounding maybe a little worried. About me? Probably that's what usually happened at this point. I'd collapse of some illness or other, I'd wake up in the med lab, and everyone would be hovering around in there, worried about me.

"No. He really doesn't need to be in here, you know. I'm pretty sure he's just sleeping." I exhaled. It was _her_ voice. She was in here. She'd been watching me. _I guess I can stay awake for a little while_

"Still," Trance said, sounding closer this time, had she just come in? Probably "I want to be sure."

"No, no, no, I'm alright." _Did I say that out loud?_

"Harper?" Trance asked, excited. "You're awake?"

"No," I said, opening my eyes, "I'm not."

Trance's face was hovering very close to mine, looking like she wanted to leap up and hug me or something. "We were so worried!"

"You were?" I asked suspiciously. "Why?"

There was a slight flicker to my left. I turned my head that way in order to get a proper look—it was her. Just a hologram, but it made me want to go back to sleep and be with her again, closer than reality

"You've been asleep for 43 hours," she said. She was worried about me, too? My eyelids slowly grew heavier

"Yeah, well, that's what I get for working on those repairs for like three days in a row without any sleep" I mumbled. Had they heard me? They weren't supposed to know I had been working on the same freaking repairs for so long without making any progress.

"You were working on those for three days?" Her voice echoed in my head, made me think of fog and daytime chill and all the things I could be missing out on they had heard me? Oh, crap, Andromeda sees and hears all. At least, she does here but in my dream all she could see and hear was _me_ seems like the only time she ever does while I'm here living and breathing her oh, right, she was waiting for an answer

"" Did I really say that? I could barely hear me.

"Harper? Are you falling back asleep?" That was Trance. I could ignore her.

"_Harper_?" Was that _her_? Didn't matter I was on the brink of paradise and I wouldn't be stopped, not for a million thrones

_I'm all right, I'll be okay, if I can keep myself awake._

I can't—

--keep myself awake


End file.
